Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A Fragment

This is just a fragment of a piece I started working on this morning. Maybe I'll leave it like this. I have too many unfinished projects sitting on my desktop. Bleh. But here is this.

You knew the free spirit in me
Before his adolescent incarceration
We saw him peek from behind the bars,
Timid at first, but alive.
And his smile was still there,
As was the hope,
And the childish dreams
That made me who I once was.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Imagine There's a Title Here

Sometimes I lose myself so deep in self pity that I forget to daydream and really let my mind off its leash. Often it escapes at the wrong times and it gets me into trouble. Today though, after I'd showered and dressed myself, I just laid back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. After awhile I closed my eyes and let my mind spontaneously create. I think if people did that on a regular basis, they'd really discover things about themselves.

When I close myself and just don't try to think about anything, my mind takes off on a million different random things. I see faces and places and ideas. Sometimes there are terrifying faces or monsters. Sometimes I imagine going on trips or I invent new lands. Sometimes lyrics or words will come to mind and just flow around connecting randomly. Sometimes they make sense, but mostly they don't. And it's okay.

I'm not super surprised when I lay in bed and try to sleep and suddenly gruesome images appear in my mind. I know that I've filled it with a lot of smut, but I forget what's in my brain. Laying there day dreaming and letting my brain free-roam helps me realize what's hiding there under the surface. What baffles me at times is that I recall being haunted by grotesque dreaming and out of control thoughts as a young child. And I hadn't ingested loads of violence and gore and whatnot back then. My parents kept us well guarded against that for years. But *shrug* who knows.

I think everyone is capable of daydreaming and imagining things, but some people come by it more naturally than others. I also think that it can be smashed out of people and lost if they allow it to be.

Anyways, I got pretty distracted writing this and I've forgotten where I was going with it......

What do you guys like to daydream about? Leave it in the comments section below!


Friday, March 1, 2013


Another week has passed. It is Friday and I yam writing and FaceBooking and playing games a little too. I'm at my newest haunt and drinking lots of Diet Pepsi, which is hands down one of the worst sodas of all time. However, I squeeze lemons into it to make it delicious.

I'm worried Luke will disown me as a brother because I've switched to drinking so much cola and black coffee. In our younger years, it was all Mountain Dew and lots of creamer in our coffee. I must remind him that I am twenty years old and must begin growing up, even though I don't plan on truly growing up. God forbid I ever lay aside certain aspects of my youth.

For example: I think farts will always be funny. Chocolate will always be made better by adding more chocolate on top. Video games will always be my sexy mistress with whom I spend late nights when I'm taking a break from writing. I will always be aroused by flames and explosives. I will probably always be afraid of the dark and spiders and whatnot.

Though these childish things will likely follow me the rest of my life into an early grave, there are other things that should be left in the past. Such as: my frequent slothfulness, my procrastination, my worrying, my comparing myself to others, and basically everything that keeps me from succeeding.

I'm plagued by thoughts of dropping out of school and haunted by Hobo Josh Marshall from the future. When crunch time comes and shit's hitting the fan, I wither under the pressure. Blah blah blah. You've heard all about this a million times, pumpkins. What I keep wishing is that I'll have some instantaneous change. Like a 180 flip and suddenly I'd be an achieving student, a punctual employee, a reliable friend, a devoted son, and a more empathetic human being. But that'd be too easy and a pretty lame story, right?

I guess it wasn't a bad story for Paul on his journey to slay Christians in Damascus. Boom, his life was changed just like that. Craziness. It happens, but usually not in such a dramatic instant way. I suppose living is about becoming a better, well rounded person. Though the only thing I can seem to get round is my stomach ^___^

Anyways, the good news is that striving and trying pays off eventually. "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." Einstein said that, evidently, and it's true. Life is linear. The place we're at right now isn't where we'll be in ten years. Holy hell if I was still a sophomore in college in ten years, geez. Let's not think about that.

ALSO, hopefully we have some people along the way to encourage us as we journey. Sometimes it's a musical artist that makes you happy. For me, it has been The Tallest Man on Earth. Some people hate on his voice, but whatever. I like it because the music is great, the lyrics are great, and my voice tends suck some serious ass, so I shan't judge (too much).

This is one of my favorites where he hops on the piano and plucks at the ol' heart strings.

In addition to motivational media, there are people closer to us that can turn a day around. For me, this week, it was an anonymous reader of my blog that gave me a new plaid shirt. I know I rant about loving plaid shirts so much, but it's true. They make me feel good. This one that I received cheered me right up and also brightened my wardrobe. I felt like Amy Adams in "Julie and Julia" where she receives cooking supplies while making a bunch of Julia Childs' recipes and blogging about it.

I'm usually not one to post pictures of myself, let alone post any really, but I found this to be a good occasion to do it anyway. And so here I am, wearing it. Ponderous on the surface. Happy underneath.

This blog post is dedicated to my anonymous pumpkin. You rock.