Thursday, February 7, 2013

Dastardly, Bastardly Butterflies

We have today and tomorrow off of school for winter break. They give us this so that the non-Nebraskan kiddies can go home to their families out of state. For us Lincolnites, it's two extra days to dick around and sleep late. I decided to be responsible and not stay up too late last night, so I've been in  le coffee shop all day long.

I thought I'd get some work done on a short story I've been planning to write for Union's writing contest, and alas I once again face the horrors of a blank page. It's true that there is a certain frightening aspect to having a blank white screen in front of you and knowing what you want to say but being unsure how to say it or where to start.

I've been reading Ernest Hemingway and Stephen King and their writing makes me want to hide in a cave and choke on a stalagmite. As intimidating as another author's writing can be, I know I mustn't become discouraged. Instead, it is an opportunity to plunge into the unknown and see what comes of it. Ideas are easy. Painting them on paper is the problem.

Sometimes when I want to accomplish something but get too nervous about it, I cop out and do something less. Like right now, I could be word-spewing for my short story but instead I'm blogging. It's writing... but not the writing I want. Or if there's a song I want to learn to play, I'll clean my room. Useful... but not what I want to do.

These anxious inhibitions are common especially when I attempt fiction. Stories and creations dance through my mind, but upon reading them later, my stomach churns. It's the uncertainty, the grappling, the hatred for what I see on the page. Oh, such soothing strangulation writing is, dammit.

In other news, I think my geography teacher is stalking me because he came to my secret haven to have lunch and sat right next to me like we were buddies. I wish I didn't have to leave home to successfully get shit done but alas the brain works in mysterious ways.

This coming week I will begin helping Sharon (sp?) Swartz learn how to use her Mac. Evidently I've been recommended as a knowledgable Mac user so we'll see how it goes. Damn, I'm really avoiding this whole fiction writing thing if I'm telling you all about next weeks appointments aren't I?

I shall sign off. Wish me well in writing. My stomach is officially upset.


No comments:

Post a Comment