Alright, so before I start my written ranting, I just wanna get some feedback from those of you reading.
First of all, how are you liking the blog so far? What do you hate? What could be changed?
Second, what do you guys think about me recording poems being read verbally? Reading sucks for some people and perhaps having audio versions would attract more? I dunno. Just some thoughts that have been running laps in my head. Leave comments below, dammit. Thank you *cheesy smile*. Anyways, on with what I'm gonna say:
So those of you that know me or like to think you know me, may have caught wind of what I've been pondering a lot about recently. You also may have caught wind of me farting at some point and I apologize.
But really, one of the things that has been heavy on my mind is this whole concept of "living a better story". I've been working on an article for the ClockTower, the paper at Union College, where I attend, and its all about my realizations about "story". To put it in simple terms, my main goal has been being to chase a good story. Things that contribute greatly to this are taking chances, risks, being open, being random, doing something different, trying something new, pushing myself, stretching my brain, developing a better character. Think about the oodles of people that live crappy stories. Now REALLY think about it. How many people go through their lives and never become anybody spectacular. I don't mean becoming famous or wealthy. Just as a person, how many people can say they really lived life and took advantage of it?
This has been the burden upon my face for quite some time. Perhaps I'll put the article up on this blog for you all to read, if enough people want me to. It may better explain where I'm coming from, but for now, I think things are easy enough to grasp.
So in the course of trying to be a better person overall, I realized that its not as easy as I thought it may be. Taking the first steps in telling a friend how you feel, for example, isn't all its cracked up to be. Letting them know that they piss me the hell off and reaching some sort of reconciliation is something I'd never experienced before. It was nice. It was a lot better than storing negative thoughts in the back of my mind and secretly loathing them. Beginning to teach myself piano as I had guitar was something I didn't think I'd do. I started accepting the fact that I'd never play. Then I remembered what my goal was. Living a better story. I only live this life once, why not make the best of it?
A couple weeks ago, me and some of my friends were at a Nebraska Basketball game. I'm sure there could have been a part of me that would enjoy watching sweaty men sprint up and down a court, but that part has long since been buried. I've tried liking the experience of live sports, but I'm too distracted and I lost interest. Regardless, I was there with my buddies and we were determined to have a good time. Our Finnish friend, Sam, took a particular interest in the cheerleaders, so we decided to get him on the court to ask for a kiss (thus fulfilling part of his "bucket list while in America"). Figuring, 'why not?', we adventured around the building looking for a way onto the court. Easily finding access, we strolled onto the sidelines after the game, but no cheering ladies were to be seen.
However, it just so happened that Nebraska's very own Larry the CableGuy had stopped in that night to the game. People were taking pictures with him and asking him to talk like Mater from Cars. One of my friends and Sam rushed to get a picture, so Sam could say he saw a celebrity in America. I took the picture of the two of them and Larry the CableGuy and then he continued on his way.
Great story right?
Terrible story from my perspective. I didn't get a picture with Larry the CableGuy and it was my own fault. As nice and accommodating as he was, it would have been easy to ask for another snapshot. I'm not sure what made me hold back. Perhaps I was star struck. Maybe I just wasn't as spontaneous as I thought. No matter what it was, nobody wants to hear about the guy that took a picture of his friends with Larry the CableGuy. Just like it doesn't matter if someone is "really thinking hard about whether or not to ask a girl out". Or the person that "started a great project but stopped for no reason". If nothing happens, if no risk is taken, if nobody every goes all out for something, the opportunity slips away and life goes on as usual. Potentially good story gets lost under the norm.
Now I know that some people don't give an atts rass about doing things differently and making things memorable. But to that I say "Okay, great, now get out of my way while I jump off this building". That's what I say and think, but unfortunately, things are easier said than done. Seems to always be that way. Watching Larry the CableGuy walk away without a better interaction with him gave me a sick emptiness for the next few days and still does if I let myself think about it. Letting a chance like that go by leaves too much room for the "what ifs" and you don't want those. I suppose the only thing I can do is to mentally prepare myself to go all in, next time a similar opportunity arises.
My friend Alex who was at the game with me told me about a show called the Buried Life. Its basically about some friends who think of crazy things to accomplish and they go for them. They've played basketball with Barak Obama, they've asked Taylor Swift on a date, crashed a PlayBoy Mansion party and done many more things that make you go "Wow". They have stories worth telling and retelling.
So I might have fallen down on my intention to grab opportunities when they come along, but it doesn't mean I've totally failed. Everyday is another chance to break the box do something new. You've just gotta choose to try.