Its a blustery day outside, but warm and calm within the safe walls of The Mill. Days like this feel wonderful. And that feeling is enhanced when the day has started with prayer. It has been a long time since I've begun a day with earnest God-talk. In my sleepy daze, I can tell that the prayer seems rushed, and yet in my heart, I feel the sincerity behind the incomplete thoughts and jumbled phrases. But something new happened this morning.
Without even thinking about it, I began praying for my co-workers, the people I work with at a job I hate. Especially the ones that get on my nerves. It was a great feeling. Laying out the day in advance is a relief. It takes the stress away, at least in the morning. As the day goes on, things will likely go wrong, but for now, I know that its all out of my hands now. The pressure and huge responsibilities are not mine anymore, but Someone else's. I know in my mind that I cannot do everything that needs to be done. I will fail and fall behind. I need help and something outside of myself to assist me.
Typing it all out and reading this makes it sound ideal and perfect, but it isn't. The decision every morning is usually made quickly and I end up sleeping more or taking a longer shower, subconsciously believing that these things will make me have a better day, when in fact they don't. The choices when I wake up are some of the most important ones and nearly everyday I choose wrongly. So if for a second, Reader, you think to yourself 'No prob. This is easy.', you may be mistaken. If daily prayer and surrender are not a regular habit already, it may not begin as simply as you think.
I point out the impending difficulty because I, myself, often picture things being more theatric than they truly are. Whether it be taking a test for school or saying prayers in the morning, they never turn out the way I see them in my mind. But the effectiveness and peace of mind I have isn't ever the same either. It isn't fantasy or some sort of euphoria. Its real.
I've been talking to some of my friends when I have the chance and inspiration, about God. Asking their feelings and what they think concerning Him. I've had some great talks and hope to continue. I want to change the way people view spiritual things. Rather than "super serious" and uncomfortable, I wish it to be an every day common topic. And I figure that if the things I write and think about are important and make a difference to me, I should discuss them with my friends. Especially if I hope to talk to strangers someday.