I am aware of the unfortunate distance between posts. I used to be able to post twice, maybe three times per week, but a new semester of college is underway and my patterns have been disrupted. Of course I'm working to re-adapt myself and get to writing. There are a total of three things I have to put into action in order to write. My brain, my fingers, and my heart. Brain, because it keeps me somewhat organized. Plans, goals, and focus all have to originate from my thinking-organ. Fingers, because even if I plan and set goals, that doesn't mean I'll follow through and actually do what I intend to. Countless are the crumpled pages filled with lost thoughts, unfinished poetry, and incomplete homework assignments. Last of all is my heart, but in a way, it is the first of all three. My brain and fingers have to be reset and commanded to do what I want them to accomplish. My heart though, it never leaves the page. It always longs to write, create, and express.
So here I am, all three elements in play, in the Mill, in a good semi-melancholy mood from Blue October's "My Never". The poetry-post before this one, "Issues" tells of an extraordinary fit of anxious half-angry restlessness. I suffer from similar instances often, sometimes from my own procrastination or apathy. When overwhelmed with homework I feel a lot of remorse and get upset that I even have to be doing the menial assignments that I see no immediate benefit from. The upset feelings swell and grow and eventually I get too worked up to even focus on the assignment or anything for that matter. I think I kicked one of my shoes across the room, nearly hitting my precious guitar. Finally, after realizing I wouldn't get any more done on the frustrating tasks, I went to bed, where sleep was no where to be found.
In the morning, everything flooded back, like picking up where you left off on a saved video game. Worst game ever. As ungrateful as it may seem, waking up the morning is one of the more depressing things to me. Not the fact that I'm alive, but that everything has restarted again. The school. The work. The stress. Cycling and recycling over and over every day, every week. Those feelings over came me that morning while I was getting ready for the day.
I kept thinking about all the dumb things I had to accomplish that day and then I opened my phone. I have a Bible app and part of the app is to post a daily verse everyday. It was like the following:
"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." -Colossians 3:17
I don't remember if it was exactly that verse or not, but whatever the case, I felt a bit better. I handed the day over to Him and everything was okay. My first class was cancelled, and I basically finished the annoying assignment.
Things in life are typically not as bad as we imagine them to be in our minds. Its always a relief to realize that, though it oftentimes takes experiencing the negativity to acknowledge its "not-so-bad-ness".
Well I think this is the end of this post. I hope to keep writing, writing, writing. And you keep living, living, living. And like Modest Mouse says "We'll all float on alright".